By Scott Kennedy, Graduate, Morgan County Recovery Court Program
The best way that I know to explain the changes that I have made in my life since my time in active addiction is to start with my lack of honesty during that time – both towards myself and my family. I would minimize the issues in my day-to-day life to put off trying to fix the things that were wrong with the way that I was living, thinking to myself, “I’m grown; I’ve got to take care of myself,” but I continued slipping further and further from a healthy lifestyle and my making the same decisions. I was distancing myself from my family and my few healthy friends. I was taking valuable time from the people who were really the most important in my life, was absent in my family’s lives, and a disappointment to my few clean friends – instead staying so low and self-centered. I struggled to maintain employment because of my lack of work ethic and persistence.
I became exactly what I had promised to never become – just another person in the substance use lifestyle instead of the genuine and good person that I strive to be now. I became a statistic in the fight against drugs in my community. Not only did my actions spread the reach of drugs, but my time in addiction caused legal problems between possession charges and a lack of will to take care of my probation responsibilities. I lost my freedom and once again, lost time with the important people in my life.
I lost weight, developed issues with my blood pressure, and lost my teeth. I went downhill and could not seem to come back no matter how hard I tried. My lifestyle kept me so stressed and depressed that I just kept getting high to try and escape. My time in addiction kept me down and kept me from being honest enough with myself to conquer my pride and realize that I was the problem.
Since that time, I have chosen honesty. Blunt and unrelenting honesty is the only treatment that helps fight this disease. Since I have chosen to be honest and upfront with myself and everyone else, my commitment to change is to continue with my honesty and to do everything that I can to be present in the lives of everyone that I hold dear.