Categories
California

Rosebuds: The Addiction Poem 

By Sean Y., Client, WestCare California 

My name is Sean Y. I’m currently a client in WestCare California’s MLK Residential program in Fresno, California. Because I have battled substance abuse for over 20 years now and have been through several treatment programs, I understand how challenging finding hope amid addiction can be. “Rosebuds: The Addiction Poem” is an effort to instill hope in the hopeless rather than become paralyzed in their despair and to inspire the reader to pursue a better life. 

Sincerely, 

Sean Y. 

 —— 

Roses are Red and violets are blue 

Someone must’ve really done a number on you 

That’s what she told me 

Once she told me she missed me, 

She told me she missed me 

Then I told her I felt guilty 

Guilty for staying out all night 

Guilty for not doing what I know to be right 

Guilty for falling into temptation 

Even though I fight it and fight it with all my might 

Seductive and beguiling 

The siren calls to me 

My addiction knows all too well my inner yearning  

My desperate craving 

Craving for a fix 

I’ve fallen in love with a stranger 

I’ve fallen for the strange face in the mirror 

I might as well have been pulling the trigger 

Because each time I use  

I fall deeper and deeper  

I’m lucky to be alive 

This time I barely survived 

Last time I followed the hollows 

Away I went 

Falling way down the rabbit hole 

Chasing the bittersweet kisses of a tourniquet 

Roses are Red and violets are blue 

Rose buds get darker and darker when I do one or two 

I don’t know why I do this 

There must be something I missed 

A classic egotist 

I’m surely a sadist 

Look up what it means to be selfish 

Guaranteed you’ll find my pic 

A bonafide narcissist  

I wasn’t always like this 

I was brought up with hugs and lots of kisses 

But 

Somehow, somewhere 

The grass became much much greener 

Someplace I didn’t belong 

Someplace far away from home 

Down the road, up the street 

Is where I lost my sensitivity 

My ability to really feel anything 

Surprise, 

I was searching for something 

Something for numbing the gnawing 

The nasty pain I was feeling 

I can’t quite put my finger on it 

I’ll do my best to describe it 

I think the word might be 

Maybe 

Inadequate 

No good for me 

No good for you 

The mess I found myself in distorted my point of View 

The allure 

Deceptive 

Repelled then attracted 

All I hoped for at that point 

Was the hope that the dope  

Would take care of all of it 

All but the truth of the matter 

The truth is I got sadder and sadder 

With every hit that I took 

I didn’t care how it looked 

I didn’t care that my loved ones had scattered 

They ran for cover  

My sisters and brothers 

They ran for safety 

Praying for sobriety 

It’s not that they didn’t love me 

They just hated how I lost 

Who I used to be 

I couldn’t see it 

I was stuck in the middle 

I just did a bit; it was only a little 

Truth out the door 

A little became a lot 

Truth was it was me who got “got” 

Before I knew it, I didn’t know who I was anymore 

More 

More and more 

Up the dose 

Who can host 

Be the one to introduce me 

To the candy man 

Or 

Mr. sandman  

Or 

Anyone who can bring me a dream 

Offer me a fantasy or some other alternative to my reality 

I was suffering from 

Diseased thinking 

Thinking the crystal would somehow help me 

Over and over again 

I do the same thing 

Insanity  

I was hallucinating 

I was using 

Doubting 

Believing 

Questioning 

Who has the antidote? 

This sickness is killing me 

Me and my humanity 

My head’s not right 

Pride’s been injected 

Hope got dejected  

Authorities disrespected  

Morality ought not be neglected 

How did this part of me become my identity? 

Roses are Red and violets are blue 

Tell me why it’s so hard to tell the truth 

Tell me why is it so hard to live this way 

Tell me why is it so high the price I paid 

Trading my valuables for meaningless thrills 

Getting evicted because I can’t pay the bills 

I became the man on the street 

The jack of all trades  

Honestly 

I’m starting to see it 

See the drugs acting as Band-Aids 

An illicit medicine 

Man made 

Covering up wounds deep 

Ineffective 

Methamphetamine 

Producing counterfeit 

Dopamine 

Staying on this road is a one way 

I won’t make it to live another day 

If you’re passing me up, then you’re passing the buck 

Hey brother, can’t you spare a dime? 

Can’t you see I’m having a hard time? 

Can’t you spare me two cents 

Or am I merely just a nuisance? 

I just need a tip 

At least just someone to be kind 

I gotta’ stop selling my soul  

I gotta’ stop making deals with the devil 

I gotta’ take a deep breath 

And 

Let it all go 

I gotta’ let the light in so I can breathe again 

I gotta’ get back to the man I used to know 

So, between a rock and a hard place 

Here I stand face to face with myself 

The only one who can help 

I’m my own worst enemy 

Hold on now  

Hold your fire 

This one is friendly 

Stop and raise the white flag 

Stat 

Quick before I pass out and it all fades to black 

This here is an SOS 

A personal intervention 

So, I won’t end up in either a coffin or cuffs 

I’m screaming at the top of my lungs 

Listen 

I’ve had it! 

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH  

I’m mustering up the strength to say 

I’m admitting my mistakes today  

I surrender 

I cannot deny 

The more I admit the less likely  

I’ll take my own life 

Roses are Red 

And 

Violets are blue 

Let me take the first step because 

I really, really need you 

By WestCare

We're a family of nonprofit organizations providing a wide spectrum of health and human services across the United States, 3 U.S. territories, and 2 Republics.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s